Naples, Italy. Immediately after the fall of the Soviet Union. A man runs through the cobbled streets, his hands stained with blood. An American drives an ice pick into the eyes of a screaming victim before collapsing and crying. A blond woman in a fur coat takes a long puff of a cigarette, blowing a cloud of smoke in the face of her dearest friend, who is also her most bitter enemy. A clock ticks and ticks and ticks before letting out an echoing chime. They have no more time. They ran out of time from the start.
This is Goncharov (1973), the “Martin Scorsese movie” that Tumblr users found themselves obsessed with. The reason you haven’t heard of it before is because the movie doesn’t actually exist. Tumblr users simply took the joke so far that they created a compelling poster, lore, and tons of reblogs for this fictional movie. It’s a level of excitement that makes the movie feel real (even though it certainly isn’t).
What is Goncharov (1973)?
It’s just the best mafia movie ever made. Tumblr user thefiresontheheight says that Goncharov (1973) is one of Scorsese’s earliest films, although it never had an official release and was unfortunately snubbed at the awards show, turning it into a work of lost media. It was actually based on a little-known trilogy of books, says user inthefallofasparrow, though Scorsese updated the setting for contemporary times — OK, sorry, my editor tells me I have to be serious.
Goncharov (1973) is a fake Scorsese movie that Tumblr users created and created a massive inside joke network. It all started with a weird label that read “The Greatest Mafia Movie Ever Made, Martin Scorsese Features Goncharov” on a pair of counterfeit boots belonging to a Tumblr user. The original post is actually quite old, but inexplicably started gaining momentum over the weekend of November 19. User Beelzeebub has created a poster for this non-existent film, which lists some main characters and actors – specifically actors Scorsese has worked with in the past. movies – and a vague frame. From there, everyone decided to play the game in a giant, cinematic online LARP.
So, uh, what’s the plot of Goncharov (1973)?
Former nightclub owner Goncharov arrives in Naples, Italy after the fall of the Soviet Union and finds himself embroiled in the world of organized crime. He ends up crossing paths with Andrey, a banker. The two have a lot of sexual tension, to the point that many believe that if they just fucked all the deaths would be avoided. Meanwhile, his dissatisfied wife, Katya, must come to terms with her father’s death as she becomes entangled with a mysterious woman named Sofia.
There’s also a guy named Ice Pick Joe. He kills people with ice picks. Maybe it’s a metaphor for mental health issues. There are also many clock patterns. Fans are compiling a Google Doc to keep track of the film’s ever-growing lore.
What are people doing… with Goncharov (1973)?
All over Tumblr, people are playing along. Sometimes that means posting about the fake scenes the same way they would post about a real movie or show they’re passionate about. Other articles are lengthy meta-analyses of scenes that don’t exist and characters that aren’t real. There are also screenshots photoshopped to look like footage from the film; aesthetic mood boards; character fan art; movie memes; Notice Letterboxd. People composed the music for the film. someone modified Riverdale scenes so that the characters refer to the film.
Hell, even Lynda Carter – yes, the Lynda Carter – started playing the game.
It’s Tumblr at the top of Tumblr – users create the same kind of content they would create about a real movie or show, and gushed about it the same way, except this time the film is wrong and everyone accepts an inside joke. It’s the “yes and” of social media platforms, one where the latest meme isn’t just a cut-and-paste format or image, but taps into a desire to create and share. That’s the beauty of Tumblr.
Why do we care about Goncharov (1973)?
Here’s the problem: Tumblr latches on to some weird new phenomenon every couple of months, then gets so sincerely into the game that it completely saturates the platform. No one outside of Tumblr ever really realizes this because most people declared Tumblr dead after the NSFW ban. But Tumblr has been pretty active this whole time, especially when it comes to inside jokes. For example, just a few months ago, a group of users decided to claim that Pirates of the Caribbean had a canonical gay divorce, and everyone accepted it.
But due to the uproar on Twitter, many people are reactivating their old Tumblr blogs and starting to pay attention to the wonderfully weird and completely crazy (I say this with love) meme ecosystem for the first time in years. Tumblr jokes spread across Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram, but usually with more than one buffer period — and then Tumblr moved on to the next weird oddity. But with all eyes on Tumblr right now, this time it’s been sped up.
Where can I watch Goncharov (1973)?
Goncharov (1973) is available to stream into your mind. JK — the best way to enjoy Goncharov (1973) is to create a Tumblr account, follow blogs, and let the internet do its thing. If you feel really inclined, you can try playing the game. But don’t worry too much about trying to keep track of all the “traditions”. The best way to use Tumblr – or any social media platform for that matter – is to not take things too seriously. Sit back, relax and enjoy the greatest mafia movie ever made.