by 
During my journey into the depths of TikTok’s dabloon craze, I joined a cult that worships High Priestess Dabloonis, sailed the high seas on a pirate ship called The Dabloonian, and accidentally participated in a dablon robbery that has now made me a wanted fugitive from dablon police. It’s been a weird few hours.
Dabloontok is TikTok’s hot new trend, and is probably best described as a chaotic player-generated RPG where users collect imaginary currency called “dabloons” cashed in by clumsily photoshopped (usually) black cats in fantasy settings. These cats will offer you dabloons, steal your dabloons, or tell you what you can do with your dabloons. It’s that simple, and so far there are over 520 million views on the dabloons hashtag. It’s a bit wild.
There’s been all sorts of trending nonsense on TikTok lately, many of which have come and gone without comment. But this dabloonary tidal wave is totally different from anything I’ve seen before. It’s something I can get on board. It’s cute, funny, and – sticking to everything online – it’s something cool that has completely spun out of control.
To start my own dabloon journey, I watched a few dabloon TikToks to show my interest and the creepy algorithm did the rest. Between driveway power-washing TikToks and guinea pig houses, the dabloons began to flow. I got off to a flying start: an adorable cat in a pretty cottage gave me 20 dabloons. I then bought a slice of pumpkin pie from a friendly shopkeeper for 4 dabloons, which I thought was more than reasonable.
@dabloonss.s Stay safe out there travelers #dabloons #dabloontok #dabloonscat #4dabloons #foryou #fyp #foryoupage #dabloonmeme ♬ cold island accelerated – leo/puffer!!!!
I have to say that there is no official dabloon exchange database (this is TikTok we’re talking about), so every trade is built on the honor system. There’s nothing stopping you from pretending you have 1000 dabloons, for example – although if you did you’d be kind of missing the whole point and a stinking cheat. To keep track of your dabloons, users have started using their smartphone’s notes app or, if you’re like me, the back of an old, crumpled B&Q receipt. Some players have even started using spreadsheets to keep tabs on their consumption and dabloon consumption.
With your non-real money, you can buy imaginary stuff from store owners you meet while watching more videos. You can buy magic items, large amounts of soup, houses, etc. Upon discovering that I could buy clothes, I quickly bought a pair of woolen socks, as I had been shamefully naked during my trip so far. I’ve even seen cats advertising dabloon insurance, just in case your dabloons get stolen. Theft is a common occurrence in Dabloontok, and when it happens, say goodbye to some completely imaginary part of your money. It sucks, but that’s the risk you have to take here. The first time this happened to me, I had just reached triple digit dabloon, only to be threatened by a cat wearing a ski mask wielding a frying pan. Suddenly, I was 60 dabloons lighter.
@ms.dabloonn Mrs. Dabloon. #fyp #foryou #dabloons #dablooncat #dabloon ♬ original sound – dabloon
What’s great about dabloontok is that it’s completely backed by its users. Anyone can make dabloon videos – gift them or steal them – and that’s honestly pretty cool. It’s like a cross between an imaginary playground game and D&D.
During my travels I ran into a friendly bartender who told me that thieves are the least of dabloontok’s worries. Recently, an inflation problem terrorized Dabloontok, which is a serious problem in a fantasy world where everyone has the opportunity to generate their own money just by making their own video. I could do a TikTok right now that gives everyone 500,000 dabloons, for example, and ruins the whole economy. It has gone so far, in fact, that there is even talk of a black market and multiple criminal groups that are beginning to appear.
Makeshift laws have now been put in place, such as how you are only allowed to give and accept amounts of dabloons less than 100. Anything over that and you end up with illegal dabloons, my friend. The comment sections are also full of dabloon cops, so you better get by and get rid of those hot dabloons quickly.
@robyn_cat please don’t contribute to doubloon inflation ‼️ #doubloon #doublooncat #dubloons #dublooncat #inflation #fypシ ♬ original sound – Skyrim
With inflation, items have become more expensive, and buying much-needed safety precautions quickly drains me of my current dabloon pool. Insurance can be up to 50 dabloons, watchdogs to keep you safe can be up to 20+, and even comforting cups of hot chocolate can be around 10 dabloons. Sheer madness.
In my darkest hour of Dabloontok, I have now become a criminal. Well, it was more of an accident, really, honestly. A video I saw had a cat that didn’t seem to be selling anything, so I stuck around hoping to get some free dabloons. Suddenly, however, the video changed tone and the cat was, in fact, flight Dabloons from the National Dabloonian Bank. I was now a helpless accomplice in this cat’s crimes. Shit, shit, shit. With cops in every comment section and the dabloonian government cracking down on illegal dabloon cases, I’m on the run. It’s my life now. This is what happens when you over-buy imaginary items from cats with currency that isn’t even real.
